Pregnancy Diaries // Entry 3

We've been through a lot these past few weeks. My OB practice and I parted ways on bad terms. Technically, they kicked me out, but at the same time as I was already looking for a new provider. They refused to explain the reasons behind their recommendations and became shockingly belligerent, aggressive, and threatening towards me when I wouldn't just follow blindly and stop asking questions.

So I tried transferring to a midwife practice, assuming I would be accepted as the healthy, low risk, attentive mom-to-be that I am. All it took was a call to my previous provider and before I knew it, I had been declined from their practice. It was "too risky" to accept a patient who was kicked out of another practice for non-compliance and high results from a 1-hr glucose test (that I later found out hadn't even been administered properly). I couldn't retake the test correctly. I couldn't provide my 2 weeks of glucose monitoring results showing I'm below diabetic levels after every meal. I couldn't explain my side of the story of why I was kicked out. I'm just a risk.

Messages are currently out to Practice #3 and Practice #4. I tried to avoid having to explain everything to the office lady at Practice #3, but they want to know everything about transfer patients. "Conflict with my doctor"…."incompatible philosophies"….it's not good enough. They want to know the details.  But as soon as they hear anything about a glucose test, it's like everyone loses their mind and won't listen to the whole story. I was then interrupted 3 times by the office lady and had to beg her just to hear me out. She said she would talk to the doctor to see if he would accept me, but that I should start calling others as well. In other words, don't get your hopes up, you freak mom-to-be who must be trying to endanger her baby take all the doctors in the world to court. Huh?! What did I ever do to anyone??

But all of that is just the back-story. What I really want to say is... I love my baby and care about his health and well-being more than any doctor ever can. I shouldn't have to convince anyone of this. I shouldn't have to defend my right to understand the decisions I make that affect my baby's development and birth. And I certainly shouldn't have to walk around like some freak of nature begging people just to listen as I try to convince them to accept me into their practice. Since when do we just assume the mom is the "bad guy?"

If my son could understand the muffled words he hears as I talk to doctor after nurse after midwife, I hope he would be able to learn a few things. I hope he would learn that I love him too much to follow blindly. I hope he would learn that just because someone is in a position of authority doesn't mean they are right, and that sometimes you have to challenge that authority for your own good and protection. In the grand scheme of things, this really isn't one of the most significant circumstances in life, but if it's still this exhausting, I hope I have the strength to do the same when it matters even more. And I hope that he will too.

P.S. - What would you know but that as I finish writing, I get a call from Practice #4, who returned my call an hour after office hours, listened to my whole story without interruption, was legitimately concerned that I'm overdue for a checkup, was willing to look at my test results and retake the 1hr. test if even necessary, and found a way to fit me into a completely booked schedule so I could have a check-up next Tuesday. There are still good, decent people in the world after all.

At 27 weeks.