On Savoring the Season (and the Egg Nog)

The Christmas season is a short one this year, with Thanksgiving coming so late and December, as always, coming so soon. There is usually a week or so of transition that we are afforded after Thanksgiving, where if your tree and decorations aren’t up immediately, you don’t have to feel too bad because you have a little time. But this year, while I wasn’t ready to put the tree up before Thanksgiving, as soon as Thanksgiving was over I felt like I was already behind in kicking off the Christmas season. I couldn’t win!

I am a very traditional person—in the sense that I hold fast to “The Way” things are done during significant times (especially Christmas). It is very difficult for me to think about (much less allow!) certain things to be different than they are supposed to be. Christmas trees must be real, and they must be cut from a farm. (And I pull the wagon with the tree on it after it’s been cut. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve loved doing that. It’s just a thing.) We drink egg nog while decorating the tree, and the experience isn’t complete until Elvis Presley has sung some Christmas tunes.

With the shortness of the season this year, I realized that I’ve been carrying some stress about how I will have time to fit everything in that has to be done for Christmastime to be “right.” My and Levi’s companies both have holiday galas we are attending over the next two weekends, and then we leave for a week in SC the following weekend. And then Christmas is over. And so far I have purchased a grand total of one Christmas gift, so there’s the shopping too. But sometime last week I made a confession to Levi that I never thought I would hear come out of my mouth. I told him that I might survive if we didn’t go to a farm to cut down our Christmas tree this year. I wasn’t ready to say it was ok—only that it might be.

I’ve come to realize that in this particularly short season, if I insist on everything going according to “The Way,” I may actually be robbing myself of enjoying and appreciating everything to the fullest. If I am so stressed about when we will fit time into our schedule to x, y, and z, how am I even going to enjoy it when it comes? We’ve already made choices to attend parties and take road trips, and we’re excited about those choices. But this year, they mean that other things may have to be different.

So we decided last night. We’ll go to Home Depot and pick out a tree. It won’t be at a farm, and we won’t cut it down, and I won’t pull the wagon. But it will be real, and we will drink egg nog and listen to Elvis Presley, and we will savor and enjoy the experience to the fullest. We also won’t host a Christmas party this year like we have every other year, and I think I might miss that even more than the tree farm. But we get to dress up fancy and spend the night at the Grand Hyatt in downtown DC, and then dress up fancy again and attend another party at the Ritz Carlton. It will be different, but it will be fun.

Everyone talks about slowing things down, enjoying every moment, not getting lost in commercialism, and all of these nice things that—let’s be honest here—feel kind of cliché sometimes. And this isn’t even about slowing things down and making people feel guilty for shopping. We haven’t exactly slowed anything down, and we’re not really interested in fabricating this special feeling where time stands still and you’re caught up in the mystical act of “enjoying the moment.” We will just appreciate the fun in every activity as it comes instead of stressing about all the things we “have” to do meet the requirements of a perfect Christmas season. (And when I say “we,” I mean “I.”)

(Don’t get me wrong though—real trees are still a legitimate requirement for me. And for now, I will just remember my wagon-pulling days with fondness. Now that is a moment to enjoy.)

Maybe Tomorrow??

We submitted an application Saturday for a condo that we really really like and think is the perfect fit for us. I can't stop thinking about it because of how badly I want to move in to it!

We knew at the time that we were the third applicants, but then the realtor we were working told us Sunday that he had just found out the building right across from the one we'd be in was going to be torn down and rebuilt, so there would be about 18 months of construction going on. We kept our application in, but I hope it weeded the others out!

We should find out tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest about whether or not we get it. We've been sending up lots and lots of prayers, and reminding ourselves that God knows every detail of what we want and need and will take care of it in His time and way.

But in the meantime, the questions that swirl through my head at various moments throughout the day are...

...I wonder if the owners have gotten the applications and credit results yet?

...I wonder if the other people dropped out because of the construction?

...will we find out Tuesday? or Wednesday?

...what will I do if I find out we get it? or if I find out we don't?

...I can't wait to move into that place! (Oh wait, we don't know if we are yet. SIGH.)

...WHY CAN'T WE FREAKING KNOW ALREADY?!?!!?!!

...sigh.

...maybe tomorrow!

...ok I really need a distraction now because I'm not getting anything done.

And that, my friends, has been the past 2 1/2 days of my life. Over and over and over again.

I wonder if we'll find out tomorrow!

I Said Yes

At about this time on this day one year ago I was at Levi's apartment in Leesburg hanging out with him and his housies (do guys who live together even call each other that?) after church. I may have changed into my "re-do Easter" outfit by now. It was the Sunday after Easter, and since we didn't get to take pictures together on Easter, we were going to do them that afternoon instead.

(Here's me before we left,

looking amused at Jacob's joking as always.)

 

(And here's Levi, trying to get Jacob to stop revealing the fact that Levi actually WAS looking forward to taking pictures.)

So off we went to a little park a few miles away and took a few pictures. In those months, and especially weeks, I was anxious for a proposal...anxious to be a "fiancée" instead of "girlfriend," and anxious to plan the details of our wedding that we wanted to wait for engagement to plan. So naturally, as I was at this park getting pictures like these taken, I was wishing...maybe even expecting?...the dream moment. 

 It didn't come. We took pictures for a while and loaded back up in Jacob's van to leave. But there was another area Jacob "happened" to know about, so we went there to get a few more shots. It was a manor - Rust Manor - that had lovely scenery and garden grounds. And then we took more pictures. A LOT more pictures. So many more pictures that even I was tired of taking pictures. This was odd for Levi, but I didn't think much of it because I was so focused on not being upset at the proposal I hadn't gotten earlier.

(Us on the back steps of the manor.)

The time came for Jacob to pack up and go get our table at Olive Garden, so I started heading that way, but Levi wanted to stay a little while longer and walk around. Ok, I thought...I guess this would be a good time for a proposal too, but I'm not going to let myself think that this time, because I won't be able to enjoy dinner very much if I'm too disappointed.

So I tried to ignore the strange silence that was between us by making strange chit-chat conversation that probably didn't even sound natural because I was so focused on NOT thinking about getting engaged. I guess it lasted for a few minutes as we wandered around the garden until we arrived under a tall, sturdy tree. As we approached it I got a stronger sense that maybe this was really it, but kept pushing it away. Levi started talking to me though, and as I was listening, I realized that this was it. 

After some introductory remarks, he got down on one knee, and a few moments later, asked me to be his wife. In shock that it had actually happened, I said yes, and despite the fact that he was holding a diamond ring out in front of me, hugged him so hard while wearing a smile that must have extended into the air because I don't think it was one my face could contain. How ever many moments or minutes later, he reminded me about the ring and put it on my finger.

We didn't go to Olive Garden that night... We went to Tuscarora Mill where a huge bush-bouquet of roses greeted me (even though I didn't notice them at first) from a cozy, private corner of the restaurant. 

That was one of the happiest meals of my life, and not because I was even aware of the food I was eating - I wasn't - but because I sat across the table from the man who would be my husband and we started planning our wedding. Dates. Wedding party. Plans. It was wonderful, and it was by far the happiest day of my life until we got married 3 1/2 months later. 

I can hardly believe that was a whole year ago...but it was, and I will never regret that day - the day I said Yes.

When I Expected Flowers

He was so thoughtful to check with me first before planning to hang out with one of his best friends, Jensen, Monday night. Even though I knew I would miss him after a long day at home alone, of course I wanted him to go. Jensen's one of my other favorite people too, and they don't see each other often enough now that I'm the new roommate. 

He called me when he was on the way home. I'm leaving Leesburg now, baby, can't wait to see you...I love you. 

Just 15 more minutes, I thought. 

20 minutes passed...then 25, and he still wasn't home. But I knew why. He knew I'd been thinking how long it was since he had brought flowers home for me, and he stopped to get some on his way home. I couldn't wait. I just knew that was it.

I heard my loud, growling car pull into the driveway...and it took a while for him to get to the front door of the house. Probably because he had to go around to the other side to get the flowers, or something like that.

He finally made it in the door, looking somewhat disgruntled, no flowers in hand. (But I thought, one time he left them outside the door and then went back for them. Just to make it better.) He tossed his stuff on the couch, sat down heavily, sighed, and handed me a yellow piece of paper. 

No flowers. A court summons from being caught in a speed trap. I was so disappointed.

I didn't have the heart to tell him, but I just kind of moped in my heart through the rest of the night in self-pity, frequently reminding myself of how my strongest love language wasn't being met and that I should feel upset about it. 

Well, tonight Levi got home from work before me, and when I walked in the door I surveyed my surroundings. Lamp light...lit candles...and Levi was in the kitchen cooking dinner. No flowers, but I was too hungry to be disappointed. Then I walked in the dining room to find more lit candles, and a bouquet of flowers on the table. 

I don't know what I even did to get him, but he's mine, and he's so good to me. I should have never let my self-fabricated expectations get in the way of remembering that.