On Savoring the Season (and the Egg Nog)

The Christmas season is a short one this year, with Thanksgiving coming so late and December, as always, coming so soon. There is usually a week or so of transition that we are afforded after Thanksgiving, where if your tree and decorations aren’t up immediately, you don’t have to feel too bad because you have a little time. But this year, while I wasn’t ready to put the tree up before Thanksgiving, as soon as Thanksgiving was over I felt like I was already behind in kicking off the Christmas season. I couldn’t win!

I am a very traditional person—in the sense that I hold fast to “The Way” things are done during significant times (especially Christmas). It is very difficult for me to think about (much less allow!) certain things to be different than they are supposed to be. Christmas trees must be real, and they must be cut from a farm. (And I pull the wagon with the tree on it after it’s been cut. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve loved doing that. It’s just a thing.) We drink egg nog while decorating the tree, and the experience isn’t complete until Elvis Presley has sung some Christmas tunes.

With the shortness of the season this year, I realized that I’ve been carrying some stress about how I will have time to fit everything in that has to be done for Christmastime to be “right.” My and Levi’s companies both have holiday galas we are attending over the next two weekends, and then we leave for a week in SC the following weekend. And then Christmas is over. And so far I have purchased a grand total of one Christmas gift, so there’s the shopping too. But sometime last week I made a confession to Levi that I never thought I would hear come out of my mouth. I told him that I might survive if we didn’t go to a farm to cut down our Christmas tree this year. I wasn’t ready to say it was ok—only that it might be.

I’ve come to realize that in this particularly short season, if I insist on everything going according to “The Way,” I may actually be robbing myself of enjoying and appreciating everything to the fullest. If I am so stressed about when we will fit time into our schedule to x, y, and z, how am I even going to enjoy it when it comes? We’ve already made choices to attend parties and take road trips, and we’re excited about those choices. But this year, they mean that other things may have to be different.

So we decided last night. We’ll go to Home Depot and pick out a tree. It won’t be at a farm, and we won’t cut it down, and I won’t pull the wagon. But it will be real, and we will drink egg nog and listen to Elvis Presley, and we will savor and enjoy the experience to the fullest. We also won’t host a Christmas party this year like we have every other year, and I think I might miss that even more than the tree farm. But we get to dress up fancy and spend the night at the Grand Hyatt in downtown DC, and then dress up fancy again and attend another party at the Ritz Carlton. It will be different, but it will be fun.

Everyone talks about slowing things down, enjoying every moment, not getting lost in commercialism, and all of these nice things that—let’s be honest here—feel kind of cliché sometimes. And this isn’t even about slowing things down and making people feel guilty for shopping. We haven’t exactly slowed anything down, and we’re not really interested in fabricating this special feeling where time stands still and you’re caught up in the mystical act of “enjoying the moment.” We will just appreciate the fun in every activity as it comes instead of stressing about all the things we “have” to do meet the requirements of a perfect Christmas season. (And when I say “we,” I mean “I.”)

(Don’t get me wrong though—real trees are still a legitimate requirement for me. And for now, I will just remember my wagon-pulling days with fondness. Now that is a moment to enjoy.)

Through the Way in Which You Are Not

I spent a wonderful evening with my girlfriends this past Thursday night while my husband was out with the guys. We don't usually have a plan when we get together. We just get together and see what happens. Sometimes we'll watch television shows or makeup tutorials on youtube, or sometimes we'll spend hours talking, or sometimes we'll just sit around and not do much of anything, even talking. But most of the time there is some kind of talking, no matter what else is going on.

This time it was nothing but talking. About three hours of talking. When we were done, we commented on how we didn't even get around to watching a tv show like we had considered doing, but how we didn't need to, because sometimes just talking is way better. And it was so refreshing, because it wasn't just any talking - not just talking about funny stories or random things that happened (although there was some of that too), but it was the figuring-out-the-world and the people in it kind of talking that leaves you feeling like you grew up just a little bit more in the process.

We talked about relationships and people and purpose and the ebbs and flows of life. Thinking back, I realize we talked about change, even though not directly. I mean change was a common denominator in all of our topics. Most of the time we think we don't like change, but then most of the time we do. And both at the same time. We don't like how our relationship with different people change, but in other cases we do. Or we want something to change, but the process of it changing is painful or cumbersome or inconvenient because it requires adjustment, and adjustment requires work. Requires change. The change we want requires the change we don't want.

I don't normally feel so philosophical on a Saturday morning (or afternoon), but something about a still and quiet house (other plans took Levi out of the house long before I woke up today) at the end of a fast and busy week makes me sit back and observe life as though from a distance. I even picked up T.S. Eliot's Four Quartets, which is something you don't do unless time and a contemplative state of mind are on your side. I started from the beginning and just kept reading and reading, as though my mind and soul had not absorbed rich, mysterious poetry in a long time. Because I hadn't. The standard 9-to-5 doesn't easily include mysterious poetry. But this Saturday does.

When I came upon this portion of Eliot's writing, I kept going back to read and re-read it, because every time I did, I understood a little bit more of it. And it reminded me of Thursday night's reflective exchanges.

                               In order to arrive there,

To arrive where you are, to get from where you are

         not,

    You must go by a way wherein there is no ecstasy.

In order to arrive at what you do not know

    You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.

In order to possess what you do not possess

    You must go by the way of dispossession.

In order to arrive at what you are not

    You must go through the way in which you are not.

And what you do not know is the only thing you know

And what you own is what you do not own

And where you are is where you are not.

                                   -T.S. Eliot, East Coker III

The change we want requires the change we don't want. Ignorance and dispossession and uncertainty is involved in arriving at where we want to be, wherever that is, whether in our careers, relationships, personal or spiritual lives, or anywhere else. But wherever it is, we can only get there by where we are not, and that means change. And ultimately, we will continue through our lives, through dispossession and uncertainty and change until we reach the End, where we will find that all along, we were only prefacing the Beginning.

1963 Memories

No, not my own. But I almost felt like they were after the conversation that took place this morning at my local consignment shop. I was signing and dating a form so I could give some clothes to the shop, and when the lady helping me saw me glance at my watch for the date, she said "the 22nd. The day Kennedy was shot, how many years ago?...." Well it was in 1963, a gentleman browsing the racks next to us said... So that would be...48? Yeah, 48 years ago. How time flies. "It almost seems like yesterday," the lady remarked.

He continued: I was at work when I heard the news. Everyone in my office building just walked out in complete silence when the news spread. It was like they were walking in a funeral procession it was so silent and somber. It was devastating. He paused for a couple of moments. It was absolutely devastating, he said in emphasis.

The lady chimed in. "It was," she said. "Horrifying. I was pregnant at the time, and I remember thinking..." She looked right at me and placed her hand over her heart. "...what kind of world am I bringing this child into?"

I was at a loss for words, so I voiced an awed "wow" before she switched tones a moment later. "Well! Let's have a look at your clothes."

Somewhere in the middle of that conversation I thought to myself what an unique experience this was, listening to these two relive their memories of that day just like it was yesterday. I thought of how I have my own memories of a national catastrophe that still seems like yesterday. And I thought of how there is so much more to this world and this life than my own memories and experiences.

I was so glad I was there to experience in a small, distanced way, these memories that were not my own. They gave me a picture of the past I never knew and a greater appreciation for the generations before me.

This is one photo in a sequence of many that capture the moments of the shooting. Click here to see more.

Re-Surfacing

It's been over two months since I've posted! This was never intended to happen. I guess you could say that the busyness of finishing my senior thesis and spanish 102, graduating, starting a new job, and taking trips to the south kind of resulted in a lack of inspiration (and time) on the blogging front.

Now though, things are sort of winding down. Even though the completion of Spanish 201 and hence Spanish forever is about three more weeks in coming (but I'm oh-so-close!!), I seem to have more time on my hands. I'm only working 20 hours a week for now--and by the way, my new event production job with Janna Bowman actually makes me excited to get up in the mornings! 

It has also helped that Levi and I have taken some time recently (possibly as a result of a minor meltdown on my part?) to recognize the busyness of our life and to be more pro-active about making time for quietness. It's amazing how you can get so busy and not even realize that you've started to sacrifice those opportunities to get to know each other better by sharing your thoughts and hearts with each other.

So now that I've had some time to get the house back in order, get my time back in order, and get my thoughts back in order, I'm back on the blog, intending to post more often and let you in on our latest endeavors and adventures. Speaking of which, here are a few snapshots of some of my activities over the past couple of months.

Holly Knoll Plantation with the besties. April 30

D.C.'s Willard Hotel with Erin, Molly, and Kara besties. May 8

 

Graduation! May 14.

Me and the Heeee. :-D May 14.

To my home on the coast for Caleb's Graduation on June 4.
(Don't have good pictures of that yet.)

It's Just A Matter of Time -- Part II

As I sip my coffee on this bitterly frigid afternoon, I think back to a time when not coffee, but OJ, was my drink of choice first thing in the morning. I just couldn't start the day right without a tall glass of OJ, and if the container was empty, I was an intensely grumpy world-hater. I don't really know how I changed from that, but I hardly ever drink OJ now, and coffee is by far the most important provision from God's creation for my morning.

But back then - in "the OJ days," we could call them - I started another morning habit that I still practice. I grew fond of English Muffins (the Thomas brand!) - toasted, with butter and raspberry jelly (seeded!). I still buy those by the bushel, and since I eat them so much and have been trying to find creative ways to spend my spare moments throughout the day, I have started noticing a variety of things I can do in the 2-3 minutes that my late-morning delight is toasting. Here are a few:

{make the bed}

{put away the clean dishes}

{add some items to the grocery list}

{sort yesterday's mail}

{clip my fingernails}

{pay a bill online}

{sweep the kitchen floor}

And the possibilities go on. It's so much better than standing in front of the toaster and then jumping through the roof when it pops because you were staring at the hot coils daydreaming. (That's happened to me.) So maybe you're a college student and can't have a toaster in your dorm, or maybe you have a toaster and just don't eat English Muffins. But either way, I bet you do have those couple minutes every once in a while that you're tapping your foot waiting on something to be done.

Of course, sometimes I just like to sit down and not do anything while I'm waiting. And other times, my fingernails are too long and I just can't stand it anymore. And that's when I love those "spare" minutes.

It's Just A Matter of Time -- Part I

For everything there is a season, 

and a time for every matter under heaven. -Ecc. 3:1

At the end of Spring 2010, just a week or so before finals were starting, I found myself with 5 papers to write, 1 to present, 2 additional ones from classmates to edit, and 9 days in which to do it all. I was stressed. And engaged. Which means I'd rather be planning the wedding.

Something I began learning that very week is that casting my anxiety on the Lord results in the most abundant life. More specifically, I began learning that when I choose not to be stressed about the circumstances that surround me, I have the freedom to enjoy other activities to the fullest. 

After figuring out my this is the ONLY way everything will possibly fit into 9 days schedule, I wrote it down in my journal and added, "I know that at the end of these 9 days, I will look back on this list, exhausted but alive, and remark on how faithful the Lord is to bring me through."

Eventually, this lesson about casting my anxiety on the Lord morphed into a lesson about the wise use of time (probably as an attempt to never wind up with that much work at the end of the semester again). This is a lesson I'm still learning, especially as I'm taking preposterous amounts Spanish, writing a senior thesis, working a job, and being a wife.

So something I've been thinking about recently, in light of still learning this lesson, is that in order to do everything excellently, I have to devote myself 100% to whatever I'm doing at the moment. Then when I move to something else, I have to leave the last thing behind and do that new thing to the fullest. When I'm doing Spanish, I'm doing nothing else and thinking of nothing else. When I'm done, I feel productive and accomplished, and have the freedom to just cook dinner without being stressed about how I didn't work hard enough at Spanish.

Whether it's Spanish, thesis, cooking, cleaning, shopping, or anything else, by living in this way, I can fully enjoy everything that I do, and I can do it well! This never worked when I was working on a project and compulsively checking my email, facebook, phone for texts, etc. Maybe I spent 2 hours on a project, but I was unfulfilled and frustrated at the end because I didn't really get anything done.

In the following journal entry from that spring, I said, "...I can give myself a cat nap, attend a couple bridal showers, watch 24 with Levi, or spend some time in school-less stillness with him to recharge myself. God has used these moments to remind me that I can both work and rest, and that He will give me the ability to do both excellently." And just as a shout-out to God's faithfulness...I am amazed to say that out of the 6 classes I took that semester, 5 of them were As and 1 was a B -- the best semester of my PHC career.

So I ask you. How do you use your time? I encourage you to do something productive even in those spare 5 or 10 minutes between tasks or scheduled engagements. And if you don't already, you should just try devoting yourself completely to one thing at a time, and see if your morale isn't improved even a little. (And get this. When it's time to be on facebook, you can be...without feeling guilty!)

Stay tuned for Part II, where I'll share some creative ways I've found to spend those spare minutes -- even if it's only 2!