Thanks Giving

My heart is heavy with realization of the fleeting nature of human relationships and the unreliability of certain conditions of life in which we think we find security. I lost many coworkers yesterday to corporate layoffs—3 in my own department and more across our headquarters. You don’t expect to return to your desk, morning coffee in hand, to find your coworker leaving. For good. I didn’t even know she was leaving leaving until she was gone. And she was only the first. We lost 2 more before noon, and more tears were flowing and cubicles being emptied than work being done for the rest of the day.

We say how important people are and how the invaluable the “stuff” of life is compared to the relationships we build and the people we know. To know that in your head is good; to learn it in your heart is life-altering.  This may turn out to be the most meaningful Thanksgiving season I’ve known until now because it has been pressed upon my heart maybe more than ever how valuable the relationships I have are. I was sick a couple weeks ago for several days, and my husband spent day after day going to the store, cooking comfort food, cleaning the house, and taking care of my every need—even staying home from work to look after me on his birthday. I cried in his arms over feeling so loved and cherished, and I am still not over the awe I experienced from the sacrifices he made for me. I don’t ever want to be.

You never know when your job may be taken from you, your car may be wrecked, your house may be burgled or burned down. Those are terrible things. But then you never know when your coworker may leave and not come back, or your loved one may drive and not come home. The people we know and love are the true fabric of this life. When we truly see them, it is inevitable that thanksgiving will become not just a seasonal tradition, but a condition of the heart.

To my selfless husband, my loving families, my faithful friends: I love you more now than I ever have. And may I learn to love you and those who are strangers to me more and more the longer I live.

Life Lessons: Forgiveness and Other Miscellany

My days lately have been packed full of general life challenges and lessons, leaving me sometimes stressed and exhausted, but ultimately thankful. Levi has commented several times lately on how I've been falling asleep before him at night, usually within a couple minutes of hitting the pillow. (After several violent bouts of full-body twitching, which I apparently do when I fall asleep fast. Who knew...)

In my personal life I've learned that emotional stress can have some pretty intense physical manifestations. (There's a chance I just caught a bug from my father-in-law, but knowing my body, I'm more convinced it was stress.) From that I've been reminded of the importance of forgiveness, not just because it's right or because you're supposed to, but also because your well-being depends on it. I may end up writing more on this later, but for now suffice it to say that God's grace is enough. Also, yoga cures stress nausea.

In my professional life I've learned that if you do your very best during working hours, it is easier to leave the concerns of work behind at the end of the day. Last week brought the resignation of both the directors in my department, landing me with about 200% more work than I was already doing. (At least...it feels like that much!) In a snapshot, I'm bearing the load of re-defining and structuring several of our internal processes, launching a new program campaign for the department, supporting our team through a new contract transition, and trying to maintain my ordinary job responsibilities on top of it all. With no directors! The only way I've been able to not take the stress home with me is to give my absolute all in those 8 hours I'm at work, then drop it all and just pick up the next day where I left off. It's been working! My new boss starts in a couple weeks, and needless to say, he will be so welcome!

This week in my domestic life I've taken a similar approach by tackling one or two household chores per evening, then spending the rest of the evening relaxing. I made a list at the beginning of the week and have crossed off the items as they're accomplished. It's helped me 1) not feel like I have to get everything done all at once, 2) still feel productive even if I'm only doing a couple things each night, and 3) not feel guilty that I didn't do more. I accomplish a couple items then put my list away and return to it the next evening. You should try it!

In closing news, we've also started looking for a new church. We had a bittersweet departure from Grace Bible Church, where attended for over 3 years. For the past year we've continued traveling back to Purcellville to attend because we loved the church and the preaching so much, but we recently started coming to terms with the reality that it's not been possible to stay as connected since we live 45 minutes away now. Last week we visited a church that's more in our locale and are looking forward to making some more visits.

I guess if one thing could be said to summarize everything...it would be that a lot is going on in life right now! But I'm so thankful for the recent reminders to "let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:4)

Snapshot of Home

One of the things I intended to do shortly after we moved was put up a post with some pictures of our new place. I clearly never got around to doing that, and I will spare you from a detailed walk-through of every single room, but I thought I would put a couple up now since we got a lot of cleaning and organizing done this weekend.

I have a lot of favorite spots in our new home - spots that when they're neat and clean, just make me want to stop and look at them for a few minutes. One of those spots took a little while to develop, but once I finally got my collage of pictures hung above the couch, it was done. I have a really hard time picking one favorite room in our condo, but the living room is definitely up there. It was the first that I completely finished decorating...most of the other rooms still have some little thing here or there I always want to add. But this one...it's just right. And forgive the poor lighting, for I'm not at all advanced in the art of picture-taking.

As far as this weekend went, I did a lot of work in our bedroom. It wasn't that bad, all told, but I haven't had anywhere to organize my shoes, so they've resided on the closet floor for the past 5 months, successfully driving me crazy. Why it took me so long to get shoe racks, I don't know, but that problem is now solved. And while I was cleaning out the closet, I finished organizing/decorating the bookshelves, hanging pictures, and getting everything just-so. The result is another room that I just want to stand in and look at.

So I guess it's not quite a "walk-through" of the place, but it's a little snapshot. It is intended to cause friends and family who have not yet visited want to come stay for a while. You know who you are.

Email from an Angel

Well, a strange and wonderful turn of events happened yesterday evening. After spending the day trying to schedule a tour of a condo that we thought might be our place, and not making any progress, I was on the way home from work feeling a little anxious and a lot frustrated by how much time and energy it can take to do this whole looking for a place to live thing. I can't even imagine when it's over buying a house. We'll give that one some time.

I had just taken the exit off the highway into our town and was sitting at the stop light when I compulsively checked my phone to see if I had any new calls or emails. It's something I've gotten in the habit of doing since we've been calling and emailing so many different people. The little gmail icon was displayed in the top left corner, and I thought...hmph...probably another junk email. Normally that little gmail icon doesn't spark so much excitement, but lately, I've practically lived to see it.

It was no junk email though. It was sent from an angel. Well, it was the realtor we had met and submitted an application with before, but it might as well have been an angel. The subject line showed the address of the place we had applied for, and then said >> Fully Available. See, the only place we had applied to yet was our favorite, favorite place - you know, the one I've been talking about in previous posts - the one we weren't accepted for.

The traffic light turned green, but I tapped the email and had to keep reading. Between looking up at the road and back down at my phone, I made out words like "previously accepted tenants" ... "medical emergency" ... "preventing their move" ... "condo fully available" ... "interested?" ... "asap." My heart was racing as I skimmed it again to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and sure enough, it was available. I called Levi even though I was less than 5 minutes from home, then called the realtor and couldn't say "we'll take it!" fast enough.

He told me the only reason we weren't accepted in the first place is because the other applicants had dogs, and the owner has dogs, and she knows it can be difficult for dog owners to find a pet-friendly home. I harbored a tiny bit of hatred in my heart for pet owners all around the world for about half a second - as I thought to myself "are you kidding me??" - and then quickly didn't care any more because we had our condo!!

The realtor got in touch with the owner to tell her what was happening, and I tried to reserve my excitement until we really knew for sure that it was ours. Then at 6:20-something this morning when my alarm went off and I saw that gmail icon on my phone, I was two taps away from seeing the lease agreement on my screen through my blurry morning eyes. We signed this evening and will have access in three short weekends!

God knew our desires and brought them to pass even after we had long since let them go. And we are SO happy.

so call me unrighteous

You've probably seen them. Facebook posts here and there mourning the fact that people go shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Some mourn American consumerism, which is fine. I understand the problem of consumerism. My Political Theory professor made sure of that. Some mourn the lack of gratitude Americans show for all the rich blessings they have. I also understand this.

But what I don't understand is why we can't still go shopping the day after Thanksgiving without falling into "that ungrateful lot" category. I'm not saying that all people who post on facebook about it are saying this, don't get me wrong. But I've definitely encountered this attitude through the years, so here are just a couple things to think about. Black Friday isn't just about finding that brand new tv for yourself. For a lot of people, it's about starting your Christmas shopping and saving a lot of money on gifts that you're giving to other people. And say it is about finding that brand new tv for yourself. If you're in the market for a new tv and you find it, you're spending less money on it than you would be any other day of the year, which is smart, and may I go as far as to say...wise stewardship?

And here's something else: why do we have to make it such an issue that people shop the day after Thanksgiving, but not make all our pithy facebook posts about it any other day of the year? I think we would all agree that we should express thanksgiving every day of the year, not just the 4th Thursday of November. But we wouldn't say that we shouldn't go shopping after we've been thankful about something on any other day. At that rate (the shopping-less one), we'd be Amish or something, which is a totally different topic.

All I'm trying to say is it bothers me if people think they're being "more thankful" than everyone else by not shopping on Black Friday. If you don't like shopping or don't really care, that's totally fine. I'm not saying you have to shop. I'm saying if you're fine shopping for great sales any other day of the year, but don't the day after Thanksgiving because it's suddenly a sign of piggish consumerism, there's a problem. Furthermore, piggish consumerism isn't limited to Black Friday - so why is it the only time we seem to rant about it? Either stop shopping altogether, or stop acting like Black Friday is some particularly dark day that's more of a "distressing indication of the true condition of our hearts" than any other day. At least have some consistency.

A Year Ago...

Well, a little longer than that. But I didn't get this post up the week before our anniversary, so for all imaginative purposes, let's just say a year ago. Or, about a year ago...

On the morning of July 27, 2010, me, Matt, Aidan, and James piled into Matt's pick-up truck and made the trek from VA to SC to get ready for the wedding, just four days away. These guys:

I can't remember much about that trip, besides listening to a lot of Aidan's ipod, stopping for Starbucks in the POURING rain, and feeling a combination of overwhelmed and secure, besides the surreal excitement. Overwhelmed - because there were still many details to arrange. Secure - because I had the best team of friends in the world to make sure everything came together. And because this guy was in charge of turning the grocery list and menu into real food:

I mean come on. If you were the bride, you would have felt pretty confident too.

In those days before July 31, I did a lot of shopping, a lot of calling and texting, a lot of question-answering, and even some panicking when unexpected things happened or expected things didn't. I also had a bridal shower from my wonderful aunts and a fantastic bachelorette party in downtown Savannah from my best girls. The days passed by very fast and before I knew it, I was going to chapel to get married!

                      

                 

It was the best day of my entire life, and even still I have nostalgic moments where I wish I could go back just to experience it all again. Is it weird for a married person to find themselves a tiny bit jealous of other people on their wedding day? Of course, they're only starting the wonderful experience of marriage that you already have, but there's just something so special and exciting about the very first day. I wouldn't erase the best year of my life so far, but I would go back and live that day again if I could.

For our anniversary, Levi surprised me with appointments for a manicure, pedicure, and full, hour-long massage - talk about pampering! We had a delicious dinner afterward at Vintage 50 and stayed at a bed & breakfast in Lovettsville, where we had a few bites from the top of our wedding cake, which looked like this:

Whoever wrapped it up for its year of remaining life in the freezer either thought the flowers would be preserved in the freezer, or didn't think about it at all. And I'm going with the second guess. (Whoever you are......we forgive you. Just don't start a cake-preservation business. ;-) ) Needless to say, we couldn't really...eat it. But we had a good laugh!

Levi also gave me a poem called "365" that he wrote in exactly 365 words! (Wow, right??) Below are a few lines that I'll close with. They are a tribute to all of our faithful friends who helped make our wedding day what it was, and they recount the incredible excitement that we had about becoming husband and wife.

Around us came help, counselors, and friends

Proving that angels aren't all that God sends

Without their help, love, and prayer,

We'd have never made it there

Still our day came together.

On that day, I was so elated

For so long, I'd eagerly awaited

the day I would finally make you mine

And show I'd love you for all time

We joined hands together.

...and the rest of the year is history. I love you baby. :-)

Tissues

I guess you could say it's time to get back into the swing of normal life now that the only two happy times of the entire winter season (Christmas and New Years) are over. Okay, I guess Valentine's Day can be a highlight, but it does bother me when stores mix red and pink decorations together -- traditional forms of red (cherry and burgundy) and pink (bubblegum or pastel) always always clash.

Along with this new swing comes the nitty-gritty things that are just a hassle to deal with. Banking problems (I'm ready to kick my bank into the grave with the pain they've been for the past week), work schedules, Christmas tree deconstruction, enrollment for Spanish, new parking permits for school, and oh yes, remembering to [have Levi] put the trash out on Tuesday nights.

But what of tissues? My poor husband came down with a sinus infection of sorts over the past couple days, complete with violent fits of sneezing and midnight nose bleeds that destroy sheets and pillowcases. I don't have the heart to be upset with him about it though. Not even about the tissues I find in the strangest corners of the house throughout the day. (Yesterday one was down in a well-burnt, hollowed-out candle in the living room.) My experiences with the destruction that is a nose bleed denounce any anger.

But amid all of these daily hassles, I am trying to remember to be thankful for all of the blessings I have. That can be a hard thing to remember when I'm surrounded by little things that try to remove my focus from the bigger picture. Neither of us are in the hospital, have broken limbs, or are unable to go to work for long periods of time. Yes, we're still waiting on everything to process before we can pick up our new car, but at least we have a car to pick up. All-in-all, life is pretty good, and I'm married to the man of my dreams. The man who works hard to take care of me and even remembers to throw away his tissues now and then. I guess I should get dinner in the oven for him.