Survival of the Crazy

Well, we made it! I know it's been a few weeks since I've been on the blog, but what a busy few weeks they have been. And I have plenty of pictures to share! We had a wonderful time in Lynchburg over the weekend of the wedding and then a wonderful time with family staying with us afterwards. And now we know: we can fit 7 adults, a toddler and newborn, and one very active 11 year old boy all in our little apartment. It involves the moving of furniture, the inflating of air mattresses, and the utilization of all floor space, but it works!

Then like I mentioned before, my brother-in-law Nathan stayed with us for almost a week after everyone else left, so we got an extension of the fun! Sadly, it wasn't all fun, considering that I got sick in the middle of the week, but with Nathan cleaning the house every day and making trips to the store for gatorade and soup to take care of my sickie self while Levi was at work, I eventually made it back on two feet. We were sad to lose our house maid, but I suppose all good things must come to an end.

Enjoy some pictures from the festivities!

I finally got to meet this big guy, my new nephew Cameron!

Horsey got quite the workout.

     

Bride and brother at the rehearsal dinner.

Gorgeous wedding venue. It was so whimsical!

 
          

Mr. & Mrs. Doremus!

Over 50 years of marriage. Love them so much.

       

Bring on the Crazy!

It is midnight before I have time to post a quick update, which makes sense considering the busyness of this exciting weekend! Levi's second sister Rachel is getting married! The grandparents arrived two nights ago to visit us for a little while before we head down to Lynchburg tomorrow for the wedding, which is Sunday. We've greatly enjoyed their time here with us and are so excited to see the rest of the family tomorrow!

(Also, just fyi, I will be meeting my second nephew for the first time tomorrow. Kind of extra excited about that!)

We'll be coming back Sunday night with a whole entourage - Levi's parents, brother, sister and her husband, and our 2 yr. old and 2 month old nephews will be here for a few nights once we make it back. Yes, that's 7 adults and 2 children. God will multiply our apartment's floor space, I just know it. Thank goodness I have such an amazing family of in-laws! And thank goodness I have Monday off work.

Dinner on our patio last night.

Dinner on a patio at a Mexican restaurant tonight.

Love them!

Confrontation 101

I have come to view confrontation as an art. It is a delicate skill requiring practice and development. It also requires courage, because you're putting yourself out there and running the risk of a negative response or rejection. Unfortunately, whether you like it or not, life brings all kinds of situations requiring confrontation. The good news is that you can get better at it over time, and most confrontational situations utilize the same general skill set.

link

Whether it's about work, family, friends, or anything else, I'm sure you can think of a situation right now where you are anticipating some confrontation. And maybe you're freaking out. I understand! I've had some pretty heavy confrontation situations of my own lately, and it's STRESSFUL! But it's part of life, and I want to share what I've learned from my own situations in hopes that it might help you, whether you are the one confronting or being confronted. So here are a few things to keep in mind:




1. Remember that the other person is a person too. They have a point of view about the situation, regardless of if they're right or wrong, and you owe them the respect of trying to understand them just as much as you want them to understand you. So if you are the one being confronted, hear them out. It's the first step towards a productive conversation. If you're the one confronting, tell them at the beginning that you want to hear their thoughts when you are done.

2. Don't be afraid to tell them how you feel. Yes, you need to base the content of your conversation on reasons you may feel a certain way and give examples of whatever is concerning you, but people often respond to the disclosure of honest feelings in a way they may not respond to your fact-based accusations alone. It may lower their defenses a little. Are you really nervous about talking to them? Say, "The thought of this conversation has been stressing me out because I don't like confrontation, but I hope you'll hear me out." They probably don't like confrontation either, so they'll understand. Are you upset about how they treated you? Say, "It made me feel patronized when you said this," or, "It made me feel unappreciated when you said that." Maybe they did mean to make you feel that way out of spite, but maybe they didn't. That alone could be enough to end the conversation amiably.

3. Be prepared for retaliation and be ready to accept rejection. It may not end amiably. Resign yourself to the fact that as much as you want them to be on good terms with you, their pride may be more important to them than restitution, and you can't do anything about that. But what if it's awkward??! Oh it will be. But it will get less awkward as you realize that you did everything you could and the continued estrangement is their choice. Once you realize that, you'll see that they are the ones who should feel awkward, not you.

4. At the end of the day, all confrontation comes down to boundaries. Someone crossed a line they were not permitted to cross, and a a healthy view of yourself is dependent on communicating that boundary to them. They might not have known, or they might have, but either way they will probably continue to cross that boundary until you decide to prevent it. If you couldn't shrug it off and are feeling the need to confront (as much as you might not want to) then it probably means it was important enough of a boundary for you to defend. Give yourself the same respect you want from others, and speak up.

If I think of any more lessons learned on this topic, maybe I'll write another post, but I think these are some of the basics. If you want a good resource on boundary setting and keeping, I recommend the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. It is very practical, easy to read, and inspiring. I'd love to hear any thoughts or questions on this. It's something I feel like I could keep adding points about, but I have to stop somewhere! Just remember that as scared as you may get, you're worth standing up for and ought to develop confidence in your ability to confront. Even if you're scared of it, you WILL be able to develop the art of confrontation if you try.

My Mother's Birthday

March 4th is a very special day! It's my dear mother's birthday. She is such a strong, incredible, faithful mom who loves the Lord and her family with all her heart.

Some funny memories of my mom...

She's always been the frugal type, but it sticks out in my mind the most when I think back to going through drive-thrus like McDonald's or Wendy's (which was so rare especially when we were younger) because she would make us all share a coke. I would have paid the .89 cents or however much it was back then out of my own piggy bank just to have my own coke. But we shared anyway, passing the cup around, taking tiny sips. I didn't know to appreciate it then, but I'm thankful that she taught me good resource management skills.

She has a terrible, terrible fear of cockroaches (sorry Mom, I said the R-word). One memory that makes me laugh every time is of her crouching in the fetal position on top of the kitchen counter screaming and pointing at a roach on the floor telling us to "GET IT! KILL IT! STOP LAUGHING! GET IT NOW! At some point Caleb and I figured out she was pretty serious and we killed it. When it came to spiders or moths or other creepy-crawly-fluttery creatures, she might not particularly enjoy saving us from them, but she would out of her motherly love. But there was no saving us from the roach. Not once. We were the saviors.

And what child doesn't remember a lullaby...

My favorite went like this:

Tell me why the stars do shine 
Tell me why the ivy twines 
Tell me why the sky's so blue 
And then I'll tell you just why I love you 
Because God made the stars to shine 
Because God made the ivy twine 
Because God made the sky's so blue 
Because God made you, that's why I love you 

Lastly...I love old pictures.

Happy birthday, Mom! I love you!

The Career Woman: A Misconception

Career Woman

If you are familiar with or grew up anywhere near conservative Christianity or the homeschool movement, you know "The Career Woman." She most likely does not homeschool her children, she is believed to not love God or her family as much as she should, and she certainly does not have her priorities in the right order. She is captivated by the idea of worldly success and her selfishness keeps her from making the sacrifices necessary to being a godly woman/wife/mother. She is placed in contrast to the more ideal woman who does not succumb to these "pressures" from the world outside her home. This woman is not distracted by outside ambition and she is more pleasing to the Lord because her aspirations lie almost solely within her home.

Sound familiar?

Of course there are women who spend the majority of their time in the home and don't pursue careers, yet they don't consider themselves more pleasing to the Lord simply on account of this. I appreciate you. I do not think any less of the woman who is not pursuing a career and is instead home raising precious children and nurturing a hard-working husband. I don't claim to know my future, and that life may be in it someday. That is not who this is about.

Several months ago I came across a blog post that spoke of the godly trophy wife every woman is supposed to want to become in contrast to our above-mentioned "Career Woman." It wasn't anything I hadn't heard before, and I wasn't particularly shocked by anything it contained...for the most part. It talked about how as Christian wives we are called to take care of our husbands, homes, children if we have them, etc. I don't disagree. It got offensive, however, when it started down the path of saying that these things can't be done if a woman has a job outside the home. In this specific instance it was just talking about a wife with no kids taking care of her husband, and the author straight up said that if you are holding the standard 9-5 job, you are not able to be a good wife. Come again?!

And this is the idea I disdain. Keep in mind, at this point we're just talking about a woman with a job, much less a woman pursuing a career. But let's go ahead and talk about that big bad word: Career. What does it mean? If you type "define: career" into Google this is what you'll get:"An occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person's life and with opportunities for progress." If I think about the meaning of this word in the context of my own life I realize that I am pursuing a career. Listen, everyone: I am a career woman. I have professional goals I want to achieve and I don't plan on just letting them dissolve after I have kids. I'm not even getting into the question of homeschooling right now, or how many hours a week you have to be home to be considered a "devoted enough" wife or mother. At this point in my life, that is irrelevant. Right now, I am a career woman and I am not ashamed of that. I am not just biding my time until I become impregnated and can finally start fulfilling my real calling. I am pursuing a career, and guess what - I can do that without sacrificing my femininity, without sacrificing my husband, and without sacrificing my God.

So why does the idea of a career woman carry such a negative connotation, and how can we start overcoming that misguided notion? You may contend, "But there are women who care about their careers more than their families and who will stop at nothing to be on top of their professional worlds even if it means neglecting the most important people in their lives!" Yes, there are women like that. And it may be one of the saddest things in the world. So instead of deciding that it's more holy to avoid a career, how about be the career woman who gets it right? Who pursues - yes, pursues her career without shame but still keeps her life in balance and shows her family that they are still the most important thing in the world to her. My husband knows that nothing in this life will be more valuable to me than he and our family is, but he is secure enough to encourage me in my pursuits and help me advance in my profession. He realizes that it doesn't have to be either/or, and I think it would behoove a lot of people in the conservative Christian community to realize the same. 

Of course you may say that all of this is really easy for me to say when I don't have kids, and that I have no idea the craziness that ensues when they come. I bet you're right. And this is another topic for another day, but I think there are options for moms who still have career goals in mind. There are a lot of options. But my point right now is, Ladies, please don't be afraid of being a career woman. It doesn't bite. I'm here to encourage you if you've experienced the negative, judgmental sentiments that we receive from time to time. And I'm here to encourage us all to break the barriers of preconceived notions, engrained prejudices, and "righteous indignation" against the misconceived career woman. We're not as cold-hearted and selfish as a lot of people think. 

Moving to the Beat of the Moving Drum

To clarify, the moving [to Reston] drum. And that drum beats like this: beat  beat  beat beat beat beatbeatbeatBEATBEATBEAT.

We started with a yard sale last Saturday morning, and have been in nearly full swing since then. I say nearly, because now that I know what it really means to spend a night packing, I realize we could have gotten so much more done on the evenings earlier in the week when the sense of urgency had not yet hit. But now we're down to only one more day between us and the big move, and I'm trying to keep myself as unstressed as possible. I'm not always successful, but I try.

For instance, I've given up the packing for tonight, brewed some tension tamer tea, turned all the lights in the living room off except one lamp, said forget about updating the budget, and started blogging instead. All the best choices all the way around.

Even though it's been stressful at times, and even though it feels like working two full days in one every single day, I've really enjoyed working next to my man so much. We've spent evenings painting at the condo...evenings packing at the house...and we don't always talk the whole time, but we do when we want to, and we're just together, which is my favorite part of all.

I've been doing a terrible job of taking pictures of our process so far, but my goal is to take more in the coming days. For now, we've been seeing a lot of these two things: paint, and boxes. Even in my sleep. (And I was too tired to do any editing on these tonight, so bear with me.)

At least by my next update...we'll be moved in! I'm SO excited about setting up house in a new place, with some new furniture, new colors, and a new atmosphere. There is so much fun to be had!

The Vacationers

We were in Sevierville, TN (near Gatlinburg) last week for vacation with the family, and had SO much fun! Between water parks, rides at Dollywood, and birthday parties, we were kept quite busy and entertained. Here are some pictures from the trip.

So I stole this one from my aunt, but I had to show this slide that I went down not one, not two, but three times. And every single time I found myself waiting in line on the tower of steps, I thought WHAT AM I DOING??!!!

It may not look like much from here, but it was a 70 ft. drop, and it was horrific. It was actually scarier standing in line anticipating it than sliding down it, which is why I was ready to kill myself every time I woke up standing in line, but it was fun. Also, my 6-yr-old cousin did it, as well as her grandmother, so I really had no excuse.

Here is Levi and my 5-yr-old cousin Olivia at Dollywood. Olivia fell in love with Levi and could hardly go anywhere without him. It was way too cute. (Stay tuned for pictures of them riding together in a pink miniature 1950s car.)

We celebrated Lucas's 7th birthday on the 3rd. I can't believe he's already 7!

Birthday Boy with his Star Wars cake.

Cousins gathered 'round to watch Lucas open presents.

After the presents, Ali busted out her "Super-Wooey!" costume and provided entertainment for nearly the rest of the evening.

(This is her flying.)

And I snapped this last picture of some of the kiddos before saying goodbye. I always hate saying goodbye because I miss all of them so much. You just never want to let go of those little-arm hugs.

Sending xoxoxo's to Georgia and Carolina,
Cousin #1

Christmas Travels, Pt. II

Just a few days after we got home from SC, we boarded a jet-plane and went to see the other side of the family in MI for post-Christmas/New Years celebrations. I didn't get as many pictures there, probably because my mom wasn't around to say "where's your camera? get your camera out! we need pictures!"

But nevertheless, I did get a few! We did Christmas present-opening with Levi's immediate family and had food and games throughout the night on New Year's Eve, then we had Christmas with the extended Kauffman family on New Years Day, then we had Christmas Eve celebrations on the 2nd. Not backwards and confusing at all, right? But lots of fun!


We obviously had a lot of fun watching Seth open his presents (and everyone else's too). I wish my little bugger of a nephew lived closer so we could see him more often! (hint, much? ;)

So this was New Years Eve, when we exchanged gifts between parents and siblings - a wonderful time of simplicity and warm expressions of love. That's what makes it still feel like Christmas even when you're celebrating it a week later.

Then, I think on the 2nd, we went ice skating in Grand Rapids with Anna and Josh. I think it was Josh's first time, and he was great!

(Ever since Levi and I were dating, Josh has always been my "other boyfriend." And look! We got a picture of Anna!)

This one's kinda blurry, but I think it captures each of us rather appropriately. ;)

Christmas Travels, Pt. I

We did a lot of traveling this past holiday season, between going to Michigan the week before Thanksgiving, South Carolina for Christmas, and back to Michigan for New Years! Here are some pictures from the SC trip, with more from MI coming later. Here are some from Christmas Eve...

Me and my little sisters...love them to pieces!

The Fam after the Christmas Eve service at church

Playing cards with Caleb & Holly

And then there was Christmas morning! We got some dressed-up pictures after church before we opened presents...

(Somehow Caleb always seems to be changed before we can say Cheese...)

Hmm, what could it beeee....

Then we went back to Gran & Papa's for the rest of the day, where we had lots. of. food. and more presents.

Everyone gathered in the feasting room...where we missed Charlie & Leti so much!

I got a big, big hug from my big, big Bubby.

And I'll try not to let it be so long before I put pictures from MI up as well. :-)