The Simple Things

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I think all of NOVA is feeling pretty ripped off right about now. Just two days away from spring, and we woke up to more snow on the ground this morning. We were teased with a couple of days that broke 60 degrees, and we danced outside in the steaming sunlight, joy filling our winter-throttled hearts once more. It all sounds so dramatic I know, but it is dramatic to wake up to snow on March 18th. 

Monday was Monday - in the way that Mondays are best. It culminated with running into the grocery store after work, through what had disintegrated into a cold, drippy rain, only to realize the grocery list was still in the car. There was deliberation about whether to go on...but it was needed. Back into the rain. Through the parking lot, the puddles...dug through the car, there it is. I put in in my coat pocket with my keys and journeyed back in to the store where I had left my buggy. (I do call them buggies.) A reach back into the pocket, and the list was not there. Apparently it just wasn't meant to be. Time to jog the memory. I would have retrieved it from the puddle on the way back to the car if I weren't battling an arm of grocery bags, the car keys, an open umbrella, and the Harris Teeter store-front traffic jam.

Back home, the groceries unpacked, the debate about whether or not to go to the gym. We went. It was a good decision. Something about pumping the iron just beats the Monday right out of ya. Another great thing is that the gym is right next to Whole Foods, which we went in for the first time last week and discovered they have delicious individual desserts in a fridge next to a checkout line. We came down the stairs at the gym and Levi pulled me aside into a dark corner and whispered in my ear. Wanna go get a dessert from Whole Foods for tonight?

My face lit up like July. Like fireworks in July, like the sunshine in July, like everything there is to love about July. We scampered through the rain and into Whole Foods, where we (I) kept seeing yummy things as we walked by. Want to try it?, he asked. Just try it. Let's get it. Ok! Walking towards the dessert cooler, somehow we landed in the ice cream aisle. Girl: MMMMMMM. Boy: We could get that instead of a dessert. Girl: But I don't think I want it more than a dessert. Boy (opening the door): Then we can get it with a dessert. Because it's okay to make it extra special sometimes. There was something else on the way to the dessert cooler. We got that too. And finally, a dessert.

We kissed at the register, and paid $21.07. Thinking about how we're supposed to avoid walking in grocery stores and spending random sets of $21.07's only lasted a tiny second, because those words were still ringing. It's okay to make it extra special sometimes. 

$21.07 on the simple things just really hit the spot. Good riddance, Monday. And when those simple green sprouts finally decide to spring, we will say good riddance, Winter.

Date Night at Our Favorite

No gym or cooking or cleaning for me tonight! Levi and I are headed to a local date night destination favorite: the Stone's Cove KitBar. What is a KitBar, you may ask? (It's ok, we asked too.) It's a Kitchen-Bar combo. That means there's no "back room" kitchen where you wonder if you're food is in clean hands. The service staff cooks and prepares all your food and drink right in front of you!

You'll notice from their Menu tab that they also operate based on the idea of "grazing" throughout meals, which means it's a PERFECT fit for us, because who doesn't love a good dinner grazing? They let you progress through your meal at your own pace and the portions are slightly smaller than most dishes at your typical restaurant. Which means you can try more than one thing or share multiple dishes with your date. It also means you can be there for 2.5+ hours and not even realize that much time went by. (Maybe that happened last time we were there?)

A couple of little tips from us "regulars" - 1) Make a reservation, because when you walk in the door you'll feel like the most important people in the world. They say, "Welcome Mr. and Mrs. Kauffman! We've been waiting for you!"And you walk straight to your seats, which have "RESERVED" signs on them. And 2) bottles of wine are 1/2 price on Wednesdays. So if you're in to that kind of thing, it's a delicious deal.

If ever we move from the Reston area, I want to take the Stone's Cove KitBar with me!

A Dead Heart Loved

It was just a little thing. Something stupid. Mostly me being overly sensitive and inconsiderate. But I got in bed irritated and didn't snuggle up close like usual. He knew something was wrong, and I knew he knew. Usually he'll ask what it is and I'll tell him and we'll work it out eventually, I thought. He tried to pull me close but I didn't want to. I wanted him to ask. But he just rolled over, and I steamed.

Who knows how much time went by? I never looked at the clock. Just steamed. He rolled back over and tried to pull me close again, but I didn't want to. I wanted him to ask. And I wasn't going to say anything until he did. That's not very mature. Why don't you just say something? He'll listen. Silence. But he should ask.

More time went by, but how much more I do not know. And I only got angrier, and his breathing only got heavier as he went in and out of sleep. And I just told the newlyweds to not go to bed angry. And here I am. But he should have asked.

More time spent in internal fits and struggles went by. He was certainly asleep by now. And I was nowhere near sleep of my own. It's hard when his steady breathing that usually lulls me to sleep only makes me more resentful. I knew I wouldn't get to sleep like this. He was surely asleep, so he wouldn't know if I snuggled up to his back and wrapped my arms around him and listened to his heartbeat. So I did. And then I was asleep.

The alarm went off and I was so tired. Then I remembered that I was mad. Happy Monday. Some text messages were exchanged. I sent the last one and he never responded. He thought everything was resolved. They weren't. Never try to resolve issues with texts. And I didn't hear anything else for the rest of that long, miserable day.

And what a day. Last minute appointments. Inconsiderate bullies. Email, after email, after email. Would she ever shut up. Why won't he just be polite. Another offer letter, another FedEx box, another investigator, another file, another phone call. But secretly, I was glad, because it kept me from thinking about him. But it gave me this soul-sucking feeling of separation from the man I love most. Not a text, not a word...that's all I wanted. But my pride wouldn't let me send any of my own.

5:00 came and I couldn't have been happier. But what was this? My coworker said something and it started a story and before I knew it, I was slouched back in her cube with my feet kicked out like I had nowhere else to be. Usually I leave as soon as I can. So what was this? It was something in my subconsciousness that said I didn't want to be home. I didn't want to go to him. It should have concerned me, but I didn't really think about it. He'll wonder why you aren't back yet. ..... Let him wonder.

I stood up, wishing her story wasn't over. I guessed it was time to leave. 30 minutes had gone by and I was in my car going home, my whole heart dull like it couldn't even feel. I was hardly mad anymore. Just wounded; just limp; just numb. I didn't even feel like he was at home waiting for me. I almost felt like he didn't exist. Like he was a memory from a long time ago. Or a very long day ago. I thought this must be a little bit like what people feel like whose spouses have died, but after they've had many years to get used to it. That scared me. Maybe I grieved, but I don't really know. Whatever my heart was feeling, I don't exactly remember feeling it before.

At the stop light. Maybe he'll have put flowers on the table and have dinner cooking and welcome me home with open arms and I'll melt into tears and everything will be better. ..... That's not going to happen.

I opened the door, and it was dark. He was taking a kind-of nap on the couch. No flowers, no dinner, no open arms. I could hardly see when I came in, and it was irritating. I tried to prepare myself for what would be the next 2 hours, but how can you?

Time passed, the tears flowed, the heart and soul were laid out bare. I felt ignored, I felt worthless, I felt unloved, even though all of those things were lies sent to corrupt. He said that in the darkness of that room, he should have asked. I said I shouldn't have had the stupid problem from the beginning. How did that minor detail turn into the deadness of heart I felt less than 24 hours later? He said I should have just said something, and I agreed. Because really, most of the problem was me all along.

Now that it was all over, I just wanted him, and I wanted him to make me feel those things he is best at making me feel. Valued, cherished, loved, adored. Everything was resolved, but in the flurry of those destructive emotions, my heart still felt dead, and I couldn't handle that anymore. I would love to be taken out to the town center for dinner just because. But to say that would defeat the purpose. I want him to do that, not me. Like the flowers, and the dinner, and the open arms, except those didn't happen. Just forget it and try to be happy again.

He said we could go out to dinner if I wanted. I could re-do my makeup and change my clothes and we could go out and walk there and hold hands it could be a date and it would be fun. Just if I wanted, but it's ok if I don't. I told him what I had thought. I told him I wasn't going to say anything. I told him he had done it again. He had astonished me, and my heart melted within.

My face was washed, my makeup was fresh, and I was wearing my new sparkly earrings. I felt beautiful and I felt happy. He took my hand and we walked. We laughed, we hugged, we kissed, and we were happy. We waited for our food and talked like we were dating. Because we were. He had won my numb heart over and I was his prize. He had done it again. He had really, truly, unconditionally loved me. And my heart could not sing louder.

End of Year 2

I don't have many pictures at all from our anniversary this year, but I do have a couple! Between the busyness of packing, moving, unpacking, nesting, etc., we didn't actually go on a trip or anything this year. (I can't wait to get off the schedule of leases expiring on our anniversary!) We did go out to an Italian restaurant in a 100+ yr-old building in old downtown Herndon though. I didn't even know there was an old-town part, but there is, and it's pretty cute!

Levi surprised me by having roses delivered at work that day, which elicited many an excited co-worker to come ooo and ahhh at my desk. They were beautiful! Then I came home from work to be greeted by a second bouquet of flowers and a card!

Work Flowers

Home Flowers

 We got ready to go out to eat, but a bizarre rain storm slammed us right before we were going to walk out the door, so we had to sit it out inside for a few minutes before it cleared up. After a little while we were able to wade through the water that was still rushing through the parking lot and make it to the car in in one piece. But...

...once on the road we had to make a U-turn for Levi to go back to the house because he "forgot" his wallet. Once it was reclaimed, we finally made it to the restaurant where we were charmed by the classy atmosphere and had a great time together. But the real reason he went back to the house was to place a second card on the table, which I discovered later. He explained that since it was our second anniversary, I got two bouquets, two cards, and two sets of chocolates (which he had left in my car before I went to work that morning). He quickly added that I shouldn't expect that exact trend to continue every year. ;-) But what a thoughtful guy; I love him so much. And we're excited to see what our 3rd year of marriage holds!

brag moment

This was the song I had stuck in my head when I got home this afternoon...but thanks to my wonderful husband, I don't feel that way anymore!

I'd just like to say: I have the best, most tender, most loving husband in the world. He shows me patience and grace that only comes from Christ, and he means more than the whole world to me. He's that guy at the end of the video who brings the umbrella. :)

Secret Project Revealed!

I've been eager to finally share the project I was doing as an anniversary gift to Levi, so now that I've downloaded my pictures and edited them a little bit....here it is!! It's a tree stump that I turned into an end table for our living room! It fulfills all the requirements I had for a "for him" anniversary gift:

  • It must be something related to paper (per traditional 1st anniversary gifts)
  • It must be something he will be able to use, because after all, Levi is a practical man.
  • It must be unique.
  • And most importantly, it must be "him." Manly, strong, and rugged--but not TOO rugged.

So I got this idea from a friend from school who posted it on her blog (which you should check out by the way - it's fantastic), and decided to give it a whirl. It took a lot longer for me (three weeks, actually) than it did for her (one afternoon I think?) because the stump was very wet, but that' ok, because there's a great story behind that.

There was a magnificent thunderstorm about a month ago that struck down a massive tree just down the road a town over. This tree was at least a couple centuries old, and its huge - as in at least 6-7 ft. in diameter - remaining stub of a trunk is pictured here:

Once I found the stump I wanted, my boss graciously rode with me to help load it into the trunk of my car. Not knowing how I would get it out (and planning to roll it into the recycle bin and then drag it through my yard and into the shed--which Levi remarked was "cute"), I drove it home and left it in the trunk. A few days later The Tree Experts (yes, an actual company) were in front of our house cutting back limbs from the power lines, and instead of watching me drag it across the yard, carried it into the shed for me. Perfect timing!

Anyway, enough talking on my part. Here's how to do it:

Procure stump. Chisel away the bark with a chisel and mallet. (In my case, it was the outer bark because the tree was so old and there was SO much bark.)

I hadn't gotten the stump into the basement yet while I was doing the chiseling part, so this is what I looked like every time I went out to work on it:

(Not too attractive, I know. It's hard work!)

Then sand away, using varying grits of sand paper. (You may also have to use an electric sander, especially for the top. And if that electric sander is very big and bulky, you may also have to employ a strong man to do it for you. And if you do, I recommend Jacob Parrish.)

The staining was my favorite part! I used Benjamin Moore's "Golden Oak" color - it's very warm and...golden.

Unfortunately, I'm unable to polyurethane it yet because I found out it was still too damp. When I do, I'll just use a clear satin finish Minwax fast-drying poly. But here is what it looks like now, complete with my special engraving. :-)

So there you are! I'll definitely take a shot or two after it's completely done just to show it off one more time. ;-) And...need I add...Levi loves it. Win!

More coming soon on other anniversary surprises - such as how the top of the wedding cake held up for a whole year. Or did it...?

Secret Project

It took me several days of discouraged brainstorming to think of an extra-special anniversary gift for Levi, which was for a couple of reasons:

1. He's a very hard person to buy for. He either already has what he wants, what he wants costs multi-hundreds of dollars (like guns), or if he does want something else, it's stuff like knives and camping equipment, which just isn't all that special for an anniversary.

2. I didn't want to do something typical. Simple enough, right? Wrong. Because that eliminates a lot of options. Which actually makes it more complicated.

But finally, and thankfully, something brilliant hit me. And of course it's a surprise, so I can't say what it is. But I can say that it's been very entertaining giving him hints and trying to confuse him more. :-D

The thing is currently in our shed in the back yard. I have had friends survey it, give opinions on it, and advise me about it. I have spent very little money on it. I have made my back and legs sore over it. And, since it is in the shed, I've had to pull the lawn mower out for Levi whenever he wants to cut grass. Which is kind of a pain, but hopefully he won't have to cut too much grass in the next two weeks!

He's been kind of curious, I think. Are you? :-)

I Said Yes

At about this time on this day one year ago I was at Levi's apartment in Leesburg hanging out with him and his housies (do guys who live together even call each other that?) after church. I may have changed into my "re-do Easter" outfit by now. It was the Sunday after Easter, and since we didn't get to take pictures together on Easter, we were going to do them that afternoon instead.

(Here's me before we left,

looking amused at Jacob's joking as always.)

 

(And here's Levi, trying to get Jacob to stop revealing the fact that Levi actually WAS looking forward to taking pictures.)

So off we went to a little park a few miles away and took a few pictures. In those months, and especially weeks, I was anxious for a proposal...anxious to be a "fiancée" instead of "girlfriend," and anxious to plan the details of our wedding that we wanted to wait for engagement to plan. So naturally, as I was at this park getting pictures like these taken, I was wishing...maybe even expecting?...the dream moment. 

 It didn't come. We took pictures for a while and loaded back up in Jacob's van to leave. But there was another area Jacob "happened" to know about, so we went there to get a few more shots. It was a manor - Rust Manor - that had lovely scenery and garden grounds. And then we took more pictures. A LOT more pictures. So many more pictures that even I was tired of taking pictures. This was odd for Levi, but I didn't think much of it because I was so focused on not being upset at the proposal I hadn't gotten earlier.

(Us on the back steps of the manor.)

The time came for Jacob to pack up and go get our table at Olive Garden, so I started heading that way, but Levi wanted to stay a little while longer and walk around. Ok, I thought...I guess this would be a good time for a proposal too, but I'm not going to let myself think that this time, because I won't be able to enjoy dinner very much if I'm too disappointed.

So I tried to ignore the strange silence that was between us by making strange chit-chat conversation that probably didn't even sound natural because I was so focused on NOT thinking about getting engaged. I guess it lasted for a few minutes as we wandered around the garden until we arrived under a tall, sturdy tree. As we approached it I got a stronger sense that maybe this was really it, but kept pushing it away. Levi started talking to me though, and as I was listening, I realized that this was it. 

After some introductory remarks, he got down on one knee, and a few moments later, asked me to be his wife. In shock that it had actually happened, I said yes, and despite the fact that he was holding a diamond ring out in front of me, hugged him so hard while wearing a smile that must have extended into the air because I don't think it was one my face could contain. How ever many moments or minutes later, he reminded me about the ring and put it on my finger.

We didn't go to Olive Garden that night... We went to Tuscarora Mill where a huge bush-bouquet of roses greeted me (even though I didn't notice them at first) from a cozy, private corner of the restaurant. 

That was one of the happiest meals of my life, and not because I was even aware of the food I was eating - I wasn't - but because I sat across the table from the man who would be my husband and we started planning our wedding. Dates. Wedding party. Plans. It was wonderful, and it was by far the happiest day of my life until we got married 3 1/2 months later. 

I can hardly believe that was a whole year ago...but it was, and I will never regret that day - the day I said Yes.

Love Him

Did you know I've never been more in love with you than now?

Levi remembered that we've been married 8 months today before I did. (To my credit, my coffee is not yet fully consumed this morning.) He texted me the above reminder (along with a bunch of typed-out kisses) when I woke up this morning, putting a brand new smile on my face just like he does every other day.

I never doubt how much he loves me. There's never a split second where I wonder or wish he would just love me a little bit more. I don't even know how he loves me more than the day we got married. I just assume it's the same way I love him more too. 

He's the one who does dishes for me after he's had a long day at work. He's the one who gets back out of bed when I forgot to get my glass of water. Then he rolls back out of bed at 4:30 in the morning to get on a bus that carries him to a desk where he pokes at a keyboard all day so that he can keep bringing flowers home to me. And then when he finds out that I don't really like daisies and strange kinds of blue-dyed flowers, he brings home roses instead just so I can look at some flowers I actually like.

When I don't hear him all the way out and start making objections to whatever he's thinking about, he doesn't get mad at me...he just gets that look on his face that says It doesn't really matter...we can talk about it later. And then I wonder how I ever got him in the first place.

I'm so glad he's mine and I'm so blessed to be so loved. And somehow I know that 8 more months down the road, although I'm not sure how it's possible, I'll love him even more. 

When I Expected Flowers

He was so thoughtful to check with me first before planning to hang out with one of his best friends, Jensen, Monday night. Even though I knew I would miss him after a long day at home alone, of course I wanted him to go. Jensen's one of my other favorite people too, and they don't see each other often enough now that I'm the new roommate. 

He called me when he was on the way home. I'm leaving Leesburg now, baby, can't wait to see you...I love you. 

Just 15 more minutes, I thought. 

20 minutes passed...then 25, and he still wasn't home. But I knew why. He knew I'd been thinking how long it was since he had brought flowers home for me, and he stopped to get some on his way home. I couldn't wait. I just knew that was it.

I heard my loud, growling car pull into the driveway...and it took a while for him to get to the front door of the house. Probably because he had to go around to the other side to get the flowers, or something like that.

He finally made it in the door, looking somewhat disgruntled, no flowers in hand. (But I thought, one time he left them outside the door and then went back for them. Just to make it better.) He tossed his stuff on the couch, sat down heavily, sighed, and handed me a yellow piece of paper. 

No flowers. A court summons from being caught in a speed trap. I was so disappointed.

I didn't have the heart to tell him, but I just kind of moped in my heart through the rest of the night in self-pity, frequently reminding myself of how my strongest love language wasn't being met and that I should feel upset about it. 

Well, tonight Levi got home from work before me, and when I walked in the door I surveyed my surroundings. Lamp light...lit candles...and Levi was in the kitchen cooking dinner. No flowers, but I was too hungry to be disappointed. Then I walked in the dining room to find more lit candles, and a bouquet of flowers on the table. 

I don't know what I even did to get him, but he's mine, and he's so good to me. I should have never let my self-fabricated expectations get in the way of remembering that.

Happy Anyway

It's been kind of a hectic beginning of the new year in terms of things going wrong or needing to be sorted out. I was talking to a friend last night about life's phenomenon of everything deciding to happen at once. You know when there are just a lot of nagging things to fix, call someone about, or sort through? Basically, that. I know, my last post was kind of about that too, but what can I say - it's life right now.

After my car problems from the end of last year were fixed (it's great having a handy-man husband who wants to figure out how to replace radiators on his own), there may have been a time when everything was mended, still, and generally normal. And when I say my car problems were fixed, I mean now it runs, even though you can't really be sure by the sound of it, and the heater isn't very, well, heat-y.

So there was this still period for a little while. And then Levi came home one morning after working through the night and told me that he was in a wreck, after which it was determined that the car was totaled. Right after that we handled insurance companies, car rentals, a trip south for Christmas, getting a new car (that we still haven't picked up thanks to our bank), a trip north for New Years, signing up for Spanish classes, handling school finances, coordinating rides with people to pick up my car from the bus stop every morning, and Levi having sinus sickness.

On the way home from dropping Levi's sister off in Fredericksburg today (using a friend's car) it just dawned on me. I said to him, If you think about it...we have a lot of broken stuff right now. Only one car. That barely runs. Without a decently-working heater. AND a broken dvd player. (We really like watching movies together, so that might just as much a toughy for us as the car...)

A few seconds later he just shrugged - he does that a lot because he's chill like that - and said, I'm happy.

Yeah, I'm happy too, I said. I think I was just talking about it because it was the first time I really thought about it - probably because I'm happy anyway too.

I'd like to think that without Levi, I would be just as happy in the absence of these basic "life necessities." (How Americanized we are, yeah?) I'm not really sure though. But I think that's part of what marriage is about, right? - one person influencing the other in a positive way to help them grow. I am glad my husband isn't really concerned with material possessions and that he doesn't tend to let circumstances bend him out of shape. I think I would be weaker in that area without him. He has a shrug-and-move-on approach to a lot of things in life, which really helps me take things less seriously sometimes. 

I'm so happy I married him.

Tissues

I guess you could say it's time to get back into the swing of normal life now that the only two happy times of the entire winter season (Christmas and New Years) are over. Okay, I guess Valentine's Day can be a highlight, but it does bother me when stores mix red and pink decorations together -- traditional forms of red (cherry and burgundy) and pink (bubblegum or pastel) always always clash.

Along with this new swing comes the nitty-gritty things that are just a hassle to deal with. Banking problems (I'm ready to kick my bank into the grave with the pain they've been for the past week), work schedules, Christmas tree deconstruction, enrollment for Spanish, new parking permits for school, and oh yes, remembering to [have Levi] put the trash out on Tuesday nights.

But what of tissues? My poor husband came down with a sinus infection of sorts over the past couple days, complete with violent fits of sneezing and midnight nose bleeds that destroy sheets and pillowcases. I don't have the heart to be upset with him about it though. Not even about the tissues I find in the strangest corners of the house throughout the day. (Yesterday one was down in a well-burnt, hollowed-out candle in the living room.) My experiences with the destruction that is a nose bleed denounce any anger.

But amid all of these daily hassles, I am trying to remember to be thankful for all of the blessings I have. That can be a hard thing to remember when I'm surrounded by little things that try to remove my focus from the bigger picture. Neither of us are in the hospital, have broken limbs, or are unable to go to work for long periods of time. Yes, we're still waiting on everything to process before we can pick up our new car, but at least we have a car to pick up. All-in-all, life is pretty good, and I'm married to the man of my dreams. The man who works hard to take care of me and even remembers to throw away his tissues now and then. I guess I should get dinner in the oven for him.

Thinking Back

It's been a relaxing Sunday in the Kauffman home. After we got back from church and Levi fixed lunch, we had a 2 hour nap-time, and since then we've been snuggling on the couch flipping back and forth between NFL playoffs and a Morgan Freeman movie from the 90's. We had an easy frozen ravioli and garlic bread dinner, Levi washed up the dishes a little while ago, and we might get around to planning out a dinner menu for the next couple of weeks. I love these kind of days.

I remember when I used to wonder what it must be like to be married. What it must be like to live with a husband - in our own home - and what it must be like to just relax on our couch and not have to worry about when we have to leave each other again. 

I hosted a bridal shower for a friend, Joyelle Parrish, this past Friday night. Her wedding is on January 22nd, and I just love the excitement that fills the weeks and days preceding a wedding.

I love thinking back to the weeks before I was married when I wondered what it all would be like. And now as I think back, part of me wishes I could do it again just for the wonder and excitement of it all. But at the same time, I'm so happy where I am that I wouldn't want to erase any of the time that has gone by, which has led to me sitting on my couch right now, watching football with my best friend, and looking forward to living another week of my life with him.